My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh my god

  •  I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
  •  When chemists die, they barium.
  •  Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
  •  I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
  •  I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
  •  This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
  •  I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
  •  I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
  •  They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
  •  We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
  •  Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
  •  Broken pencils are pointless.
  •  I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
  •  What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  •  I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
  •  All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
  •  I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  •  Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
  •  A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
  •  The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
  •  Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
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